I am an idolater. The definition of an idol is “an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.” Idolatry is “the worship of idols”. I have spent a tremendous amount of my 59 years on this earth as an idolater. I have chased an elusive god that when I have been lucky enough to catch, satisfies for a moment, but quickly digresses into emptiness and disappointment. I have allowed myself to suffer ridiculous amounts of abuse from people that supposed loved me (and even sometimes strangers!) in order to appease this god. This god goes by the name approval.
Why? Why would someone go to such lengths to pursue such an empty and fleeting god? Why would one not pursue something long term in the satisfaction department. How could a powerless god exert such control and manipulation in my life? Is it because in that fleeting moment the experience of approval is so intoxicating I am willing to suffer to get just a taste? Is it because I don’t feel validated as a person unless someone puts their stamp of approval on me? Am I still, at this age, trying to answer the often unspoken, but clearly communicated message from my childhood the reverberated “you are not good enough”? Or am I stuck in my four year old self, remembering the first time I recognized my mother’s face saying I had made her happy and she was pleased with me? A face I had so often provoked disapproval and frustration on?
I will be 60 later this year and I still struggle with my own private variation of idolatry…some days. Some days, not so much. I have spent the last 42 of those years as a follower of Jesus. I try to allow the process of sanctification to work in my life and help me to become more like Jesus. While I am by no means much like Jesus, I am further in the journey than I have ever been before. I consider myself an idolater in the ongoing process of recovery, including good days and bad days.
There is really only one cure for idolatry and that is Jesus. I know that expression suffers from a bad case of churchification, so maybe I should share a few practical ideas that have helped me.
#1. Be honest and acknowledge your idol. Can’t fix a problem until you are willing to admit there is a problem. My idolatry has actually changed over the years. When I was young I wanted to work extra hard to win people’s approval. Now I have to struggle with applying that my relationship with God. I have become the older brother in the story of the prodigal sons. Both sons were equally prodigal, they just did it in very different ways. Both based their relationship with their loving father on their performance. One thought he was so bad he could never be a son, the other thought he was so good he had earned sonship. Both were wrong. I have tried to win God’s approval with my behavior, yet I already have His full approval because of the finished work of Jesus.
#2 Be ruthless with your idolatry. When Josiah became king of Isreal, he burned all the articles of idol worship, destroyed the alters and cut down the Asheroth poles. He left nothing intact. We have to remove anything that is feeding our idols from our lives, in ruthless fashion. This is hard. It may be habits, in may be places or it may even be people. I hope you were not under the impression that dealing with idols is easy.
#3Be ruthless in dealing with your idolatry, BUT know when to give yourself grace. Sanctification and idol worship recovery is a process that may take your entire lifetime. You are going to have some very good days and some very bad days. You are not going to get it right on hundred percent of the time. The important fact is that you stay intentionally involved in the process. Remember, God’s love and approval of you are not based on how well you perform. They are based on His choice to love you unconditionally. It is so steadfast you can not mess it up.
So, I am an idolater, but truthfully, so are you. What is your idol?